How do i find the joy again?

So tomorrow will make it four months that i have been in this country. It is hard to believe that it has been that long. I have been thinking about what to write on here for some time now, it is hard sometimes to decide just how open and vulnerable to be on here. There are times that i think that i am supposed to just suffer and make it through without asking for others prayers or support. A friend of mine reminded me that this way of thinking is not only foolishness but is also Satan trying to beat me down. Of course this job is hard, of course there are challenges, there are times that i feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. Times that i question why i came here at all, how God could use someone like me.....I was warned that these things would happen, i did heed these warnings and think about how to deal with them.....but thinking and doing are two very different things....

there is no perfect missionary mold....we are look different and act different, we all handle stress and culture shock differently....it can be very tiresome always having to be the one to change...change how you dress, change how you eat, change how you speak, change how you look at the world...sometimes i just want to scream no i will not change anything else about myself....just take me as i am......but i was reminded through Paul that i must become all things to all people in order that they may know and hear the gospel....I must figure out how to let go of the American way of doing things and the Tricia way of doing things and some how figure out how to do things the God way.....

I have no idea what the next months or weeks hold for me, I try sometimes to imagine what it will be like but it seems that my imagination falls short....It is easy to get wrapped up in what your idea of something is and forget that there are other people involved who may have other ideas of how something should be....this is when i must trust that God is in control, even when i don't agree, even when i get frustrated and feel like my time here is being wasted.....

'the battle is in the mind" if we could ever gain even a small glimpse into the workings of a human beings mind, i think we might be blown away by what we find...i think it would point to the grandness of our God....but i have realized that for a christian this is where the war we wage on sin can be won or lost....this is where the battle to have joy every day and in every situation is won or lost....it is a choice to see the good in a situation....