SWO-tastic time

This is a delayed response to my experience of coming back to the States. I have been back in the States since the 17th of May. I spent several days with the entire FUSION crew in Virginia. It was a much needed time of catching up with folks and hearing the experiences of my brothers and sisters who had just spent 4.5 months of their lives on foreign soil as well. There were stories shared that made me laugh really hard and others that broke my heart. We spent several hours in one-on-one conversations with each other...so much to share and so little time. We eventually made our way to Kansas City. I spent less than 24 hours back in KC before I flew out to Atlanta...where my Mom, sister, and three sweet friends (Cynthia, Jenna and Hayden) of mine greeted me home. What a joy it was to see my family...I have never been so warmly greeted by my family and friends (their presence at the airport spoke volumes to me!) We went to see two of my friends from my freshman year of college (Lauren and Mandy) before driving a couple of hours to Greenville, SC to stay at my Gramps'. I reunited with my grandparents for the weekend before heading to camp for the final week of staff training into this first week of camp.

My integration back to the States has been crowded with getting plugged into ministry here, reuniting with folks I hadn't seen in a while, a change of pace or task...separation from the folks I just shared 9 months of my life with...I have been exhausted and busy at the same time. Moments to just have my mind rest long enough to process it have been few and far-in-between. In fact, I found myself sharing with a random youth worker this week about my thoughts on life in Peru and the folks I met over there...and some regrets I have...debriefing with myself at some random moment because nothing we were talking about had no relation to Peru. I just haven't opened up in a way to really start processing because it wears me out and I feel like I am in preserve mode. (Pray for me in this as I know there are people who care to hear...and I need to talk about it...but I clam up when people ask me about it...and I don't know what the fair balance is of taking those opportunities to make myself talk about it when there is someone interested in hearing because I need to talk, but not forcing myself to share just to do it and it becoming more of a burden than a joy/release. Nonetheless, I will say that I have been in a WHIRLWIND upon my return. There have been moments of great joy and others of feeling quite confused....a cloudiness over my eyes in how to handle my emotions- not just emotions concerning transition from countries, but with relationships and the next step and what God is doing and etc.

I did feel more separated from my family in the midst of feeling a greater love for them. There is becoming less of an understanding from them concerning my life and decisions to genuinely follow Christ. There was the perspective of my Gramps in which he said, "You have taken this religion thing too far." There are concerns for me about health insurance, retirement plans, not having an established base to cover any unexpected hits I may take...but I believe more and more that the Lord truly is my Provider- to trust in Him as HE leads me, not me working to establish my own life with me own limited strength and perspective. This has been a process (and I am in the thick of it), but there has been more revelation that obedience to Christ is the only place I will find satisfaction. With that, He is showing me He knows my heart and I am trusting in His sovereignty...it isn't just a lofty concept (sovereignty), but it is a reality that God is sovereign! I want to live under His leadership and love and in His truth. This is another prayer request- that my life will be marked by Him (living a life worthy of the Gospel).

I am working with SMO (missions camp) this summer. This is new for me. I have also decided to stay in Andrews in the Fall... I have a home I am renting, which is strange because I am used to living with mass groups of people (not solo). It is a blessing for me right now to have some alone time. The schedule of camp keeps me going all day...so a quite place to spend time in for a few hours a day warms my heart. I am looking forward to the Fall and leading the 2-week backpacking trip for OLDS semester. Discipleship of these girls in the Fall is exciting to me! I am simply walking as the Lord reveals the next step...Spontaneity (in the Lord, really) has become my middle name since I graduated college in 2007. My life is RICH and I praise the Lord... stay tuned...and please keep praying for me. Thanks for ALL of your prayers and support during my journey in Peru. It isn't over yet...